Short Narrative - Concept Rework

I've been tumbling the idea around in my head for around 3 years now.
It's central theme combines blatant self-isolationism, disdain for modern societal demands and the fear of losing touch with one's own mind and the consequences of the complete rejection of reality.
The script has gone through several phases:
The first draft was a short 10 - 12 minute piece which focused on my contempt of modern conservative American viewpoints where science was concerned (Especially in the field of Astronomy). It was nothing special.
I liked it but I was never really happy with it.
It was dialogue heavy in the first few minutes before teetering off into the silent film genre. This is not necessarily a bad thing -- the major problem being that the dialogue itself, rather than the images being produced, were driving the narrative forward.
It was like a montage - In the first act the protagonist finds himself accosted by extra-terrestrials and then the second and third acts and finale were mostly a jumble of jump cuts. They were originally, I suppose, a means by which to illustrate to the audience the character's descent into madness and complete disillusionment with the world around him.
This was all well and good at the time, but it leaves much to be desired and I tossed it.
I came back to it a few months later with the intent of dragging out a simple storyline (Guy abducted by aliens; slowly looses sanity) into a 40 minute affair with the same basic premise -- only this time the script had begun to include superfluous characters and interactions that included clunky dialogue and unbelievable reactions by a character that I didn't even know apart from his first name.
Now I've come back to the story and I feel like the original version had the right idea.
A short piece with snippets from the deteriorating life of the main protagonist imbedded inside of a narrative structure that does not rely on cliches to drive the point home.